An observation

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You know what’s surprising? Of everyone I used to hang out with in middle school and high school, I’m one of the very few that has kept and held a job. This isn’t like saying I’m better than them since I feel like my life so far is not where it should be. One has started to Pursue her writing career. And the other is… I don’t know exactly? I just started to get in contact with her. I think that maybe I’m over reacting a bit because a select few have been going to college. I know what I want to do in life and have been trying to get the means on getting there. But I wonder on who I want to let into my present and who to leave off in the past.

An observation

Standard

You know what’s surprising? Of everyone I used to hang out with in middle school and high school, I’m one of the very few that has kept and held a job. This isn’t like saying I’m better than them since I feel like my life so far is not where it should be. One has started to Pursue her writing career. And the other is… I don’t know exactly? I just started to get in contact with her. I think that maybe I’m over reacting a bit because a select few have been going to college. I know what I want to do in life and have been trying to get the means on getting there. But I wonder on who I want to let into my present and who to leave off in the past.

Last night

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Yeah I was upset and I think I messed up pretty badly jumping into conclusions. Because speaking out works, even if it’s an apology. I’m more upset because I feel like I mess up so much. What can I say. I’m human and it have breaking points. I have an addiction that I’m trying to kick.

And it sucks because a lot of people I am close to put up with so much and I feel like a spoiled brat.

I’m reading into it and realize several of these are why I do what I have done in the past and why I fight now

http://m.helpguide.org/articles/addiction/self-injury

Other than the alternatives. The rubber band thing is still a form of self harm. As well as working out vigorously although it does help relieve stress.

Just fuck…

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You know sooner or later I think I’m going to lash out and no one is going to like it. I’m too fucking stressed and when I want to talk to someone either I feel like I am being too clingy or too boring and honestly it hurts like nothing else. I feel completely worthless but I can’t even tell my own family because I deal with all of their stuff and they can’t be bothered.

And you know what sucks. Is that I have been having anxiety attacks again. I’ve been wanting to cut again just to get the stress out. Because I can not take feeling like a disappointment anymore. Because I honestly feel that everyone would be better off with out me.

I know what this is. I know it’s depression again and I will find a way to fight through this. With or without people